PUPPY

I GOTS A PUPPEH!! She's part Chiwowa (i know I didnt spell that right but right now i dont care) and part shitzu and part teacup poodle. you moslty see the shitzu and the chiwowa but i dont care she's uber cute and sweet. I'm thinking I'm gonna call her Pixie. Just had to make a quick post before bed. Night!

Blog Hop Tuesday

All right, so for awhile I have been following a wounderful lady's blog, and she does all kinds of posts about different things. One that I have been thinking about joining, is Blog Hop Tuesday. This week's theme is art, so this is the Lucky Cat that I made last year in art class. I hope I'm doing this right!

My Owliver Fuse!

Awhile back, one of the blogs I follow posted this pattern for a Sansa Fuze case. I immediately went looking for my fuze, thinking that I'd make the pattern right away. Well, I must have put it in a pretty good place because I never found it, but I did get a new one from Shopko. As soon as I got home, I immediately picked up my crochet hook and set to work. And this is what came out of it! I used Red Heart Super saver for the whole thing, and spare buttons for the eyes and closure on the back. Thanks for looking!

Oh, and by the way, in case the link above does not work ( I dont know my computer is pretty dumb) the blotg is called the Suburban Hooker, by a wonderfully funny woman named Sally.

Right now I'm just kind of waiting for my sleeping pills to kick in so I thought I'd write a post. This week was a mess. I hate school, I dont even know why I tried to go back. I mean who am I kidding? I'll never pass. And forget dating. I still miss Jake, even though he's probably forgotten about me. I dont see him online even, and he always used to be online. I was thinking about sending him an email, but what would I say? I miss you? Of course I do. I miss being able to talk to him at the end of my day, I miss laughing with him, I miss hearing him say 'I love you', even though I'm not sure he ment it twards the end. Dont get me wrong, I know he ment it, sometimes. Its just so hard, I dont know what to do. I feel like I'm falling appart slowly right now and I dont know how to stop it. I've tried everything to forget about it, joined IMVU, I do all my homework like IMMEDIATELY and still I have free time. I got so much more to do on Odesey, but I dont want to work on that all the time. Well, maybe I should. I dont know.

I even lost the MP3 player that he gave me. It was sitting on my desk and now it's gone. I dont know where it went, I tore everything appart. Im going to look again, because I plan on sending it back. If i dont find it tomorrow, then I guess I'll have to send him an e-mail. And get a new one, because I NEED one for when I have my dentist appointment and now that they're allowed in school I want to take it with me. I dont know. I just feel so lost. *sigh*

Well, I did some cleaning today and guess what, the shower is supposed to be WHITE!! We went and got some scrubbing bubbles from Walmart and man it really worked. After lots of scrubbing, lots of working, and lots of the stuff, I can see tile! It was pretty bad. But I got it clean, plus I mowed the back half of the yard. We also went to see Mike, and he's doing pretty good. Doesnt like the food, but what place has good food besides home? He also had a coupple of my cigarettes, (yes I'm smoking again, more than I ever did) and we went to walmart. I also got a digital camera, though fourgot to take a memory card as well. So now tomorrow I have to make a run to somewhere to get one so that I can have a digital camera.

I'm also in a crocheting mood, but I dont know what to make. Everything just seems like its either too much work or something. I dont know. I just want to do SOMETHING but nothing seems to quell the need. I dont know. Maybe I need to just go to sleep and go to school tomorrow.

Whats Wrong With ME?

Why cant I be pretty? I look at all these anime girls, like the one above, and I find myself thinking that. I watch these success stories- like the ones on TLC and such. And I watch these commercials like the Ali and the Hydroxi Cut and such. I have tried things, prescription and non prescription, and nothing seems to work. At the beginning of every school year for the past 5 years I have been inspired to join the local gym, Thorp Fitness, and I end up not going. Thats money wasted. I'm watching this show about a guy named Chris Powell who lost over 400 pounds the natural way. His personal trainer is now his best friend, and they run the website Reshape the Nation. I want to join, but then I think that wait, I'll have to pay for it.

Watching these shows always does one of two things: makes me want to eat myself to death or motivates me to exorcise. Today its doing a bit of both. I want a clean house, I want a healthy body, I want to be...normal. My younger brother often asked my grandmother why he couldnt be normal. Now I wounder the same thing.

I Wish That Boy Would Stay Out of My HEAD!

All right. I broke my own rules yesterday and talked to him. I had promised myself NOT to because I didnt want to be hurt. It went all right, no painful feelings, and I told him that I wanted to pay for the Computer. We agreed on a price and left it at that. Simple right? Well last night I was having a flying dream, I just wanted to get away so I was flying. All of a sudden I crash landed in this place, right through the ceiling. I landed in frount of a door, so I went in. There was Jake sitting on the bed with a picture of me in his hand. He looked up and said, "I was woundering when you'd show up." He put my picture face down in a drawer and looked up at me. He said, " I dont want you to pay for those things. I gave them to you for a reason, and I want you to keep them." I told him I wasnt looking for cherity, and it was different when we were dating. He said " I still want you to just take them. I gave them to you because you didnt have anything. The computer especially." We talked for awhile more, and ended up fighting. I mean I screamed at him, 'Why are you doing this?! I just want to be left alone!' And he screamed back, "Because I still love you!" I remember I spread my wings and whispered, "Don't." before flying out of there. I woke up with a sore throat and I was crying.

I dont know if that was a purpousful dream or not, but I have a feeling it was. I'm going to have to switch up CDs or something so that he cant follow my sleep patterns, even on accident. I cant deal with even dreaming about him right now. He hurt me way to badly. I cant deal with it! Well, I can because I obviously am, but still. Why cant he just stay out of my dreams? Stay away? Thats what he wanted, to be away from me. Otherwise he would have accepted my offer.