Today was a very lonely day for me. I now realize that I'm never going to have Jake as a boyfriend again, and it really stinks, due to the fact that I care about him so much. I've tried flirting with other people, but I guess my flirt o matic is broken. I even signed back up to some of my old chat sites, but no one seems to want to talk. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering the fact that its been so long since I've tried finding someone. Right now I just want someone to talk to, laugh with, hang with. Is that so much to ask? And school is such a pain. It takes all my energy every day not to smack some of these kids, and when I get home I'm exhausted. I slept from two thirty to six today, and of course my body is telling me I'm no longer tired, but I am. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of trying to be normal, tired of trying to fit in. Tired of trying to get everything straight, and tired of being me. I know this sounds stupid. But I just want to be a normal 18 year old girl, who's supposed to be in college and having fun and making new friends. I want to be skinny, popular, and liked. I want to have a mom and a dad that actually care, that want to help me. People don't know how lucky they are. I hear complaints every day about how their parents are so evil. At least they have parents! I have grandma. I love her dearly, but she does not get what i'm going through. I miss my mom, and I want a dad. Or at least my brother to actually understand, to call, to want to be part of my life. It seems like when he graduated from high school he just left, out of our lives. I used to be so close with him and mike, but now they're people I dont even understand. I just want to fit in somewhere.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Lonley Day
Today was a very lonely day for me. I now realize that I'm never going to have Jake as a boyfriend again, and it really stinks, due to the fact that I care about him so much. I've tried flirting with other people, but I guess my flirt o matic is broken. I even signed back up to some of my old chat sites, but no one seems to want to talk. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering the fact that its been so long since I've tried finding someone. Right now I just want someone to talk to, laugh with, hang with. Is that so much to ask? And school is such a pain. It takes all my energy every day not to smack some of these kids, and when I get home I'm exhausted. I slept from two thirty to six today, and of course my body is telling me I'm no longer tired, but I am. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of trying to be normal, tired of trying to fit in. Tired of trying to get everything straight, and tired of being me. I know this sounds stupid. But I just want to be a normal 18 year old girl, who's supposed to be in college and having fun and making new friends. I want to be skinny, popular, and liked. I want to have a mom and a dad that actually care, that want to help me. People don't know how lucky they are. I hear complaints every day about how their parents are so evil. At least they have parents! I have grandma. I love her dearly, but she does not get what i'm going through. I miss my mom, and I want a dad. Or at least my brother to actually understand, to call, to want to be part of my life. It seems like when he graduated from high school he just left, out of our lives. I used to be so close with him and mike, but now they're people I dont even understand. I just want to fit in somewhere.
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1 comments:
Oh....((((Nikka)))
I'm not sure I know how to say what I'd like to. I hope not to offend you, I don't know your whole story.
Allow me to start by saying that although I have a huge family and have been married since the dawn of time, I am very lonely too. My brothers never did really like to spend much time with me, my step family is distant. My sil's have their own sisters and I had to give up my very best friends. One moved away and the other 2 because of drug addiction. One of them died from said drugs. On Thanksgiving day 07. I have no one to physically talk to either. I understand a part of your loneliness. It does suck but I think in your case, it will be temporary.
I think at your age it's normal to rush things, without even thinking that you are. Life is difficult at any age but young adulthood has so many variables it's hard to see what tomorrow will be like. Things will come to you I'm sure, but you have to have patience. We live in a world of instant gratification and that's just not how it goes especially in the case of relationships. You're only 18, believe me Mr Right will be worth the search. Expand your network he's out there waiting for you and maybe you'll make some exceptional friends while you're out there looking for him!!
C'mon now, chin up....it's a brand new day!!!
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