Tarot Reading

For the weekend, I decided to go over to my best friend's house. Her name is Lizz, but she likes to be called Akii Lee mostly. Today she decided to give me a general tarot reading. And let me tell you, it was scary accurate.

The general reading told me of two distinct paths that I will have to chose between. The spread is called the Horse shoe spread. On my right is the Sward, and on my left is the Spear. The sward is a destiny fitted for a fast and direct way to get to your destiny. This road is more for if I wanted to do everything now, get it done and over with quickly. The spear is reffered to as the Wise Man's wepon. It will still cut through the trials I must travel trough, but I'll be able to enjoy the view. Both sides talked of a decision about a knowlegable man with an uncertain destiny. That is Jake, I know it is. It talks first of a decision he must make, and then one I must make concerning him. Then they both talk of my future, present hurdles, and desires. When she was reading each card to me I was thinking, wow, that is so me. My card is called the Three of Shields. It means that I am a stable person and able to make my own decisions.

Im just suprised at how accurate that reading was. Akii is still new to it (she had to use the handbook) but everything, I mean EVERYTHING was spot on. We'll just have to see what the future holds for me.

School Sucks

All right, I know I screwed up. Yes, I should have gone back to school like a good little girl. I know. But seriously? Expel me because I didnt go to school? What gives?

Today I went to school for the first time in 2 weeks. The teachers were not happy. It was like walking into a graveyard at midnight every single hour. It sucked. But during my 7th hour Odessyware class (where I get to do my online courses during school time) I was cornered by Mrs. Hein and Mrs. Nickelson. They told me that they were 'concerned about the situation and how your absence impacts other students in your classes' and how 'you not coming to school is not my business but when you influence the teachers it becomes my business' both quotes by Mrs. Nickelson. They told me that if I miss any more days of school I will be turminated. Then, after the 'meeting' I went to the bathroom and called my counceler and told her about it. She wants me to get all the days I've missed so far this past year and get the ones I can excused. What good will that do? They'll just come up with some other excuse to kick me out. Its like they WANT me to fail. And frankly, I'm really sick of it. I dont feel like putting up with this bullcrap anymore. But I know I have to graduate. After I came out of the bathroom Mrs. Hein wanted me to talk about 'personal issues' and how they're impacting my school. I told her as much as I could without telling her everything, basically dodging around the subjects she presented with 'I don't know's and 'we'll see's. She didnt buy it but the bell rang before she could get me into her inner office. I like having that time in her outer office during 7th hour because then I have some time to just chill for awhile while doing my online school work.

I asked Jake for help, but we ended up talking the whole time. Mostly dodging subjects that are for serious relationships and talking about whats happened for the past few weeks. Gosh was it really only the 15th that we broke up? It seems like longer. But amazingly, I dont mind. It bugs me to a point, but I'm not a heap of nothingness. I dont break down when I see his picture in my locker or binder, I dont go all sniffly when talking about him. I'm pretty proud of myself for that fact. Because that means that I really CAN live without him. And thats a good thing.

In crochet news, they blocked the 'ville at school. Which is probably a good thing since i spent too much time on there. But I mean seriously, Crochetville? Its a bunch of gals (and a few guys) that all CROCHET. Whats so bad about that? Oh yes, 'I shall stab you with my hook my pretty, and make your dog into a new scarf, ehehehehe'. Ok, little wizard of oz joke there but you get my meaning. But I guess its for the best. I need to figure out a way to get all my school stuff done first before I crochet. I've actually had grandma hide most of my hooks! I have like 2 that are still out because they have projects stuck to them, but still! Thats pretty serious.

Well, just wanted to rant for a bit. Oh, and by the way, that little Calorie Counter thing to the right is not working properly for anyone who looks at it. I have to figure out the settings and such but when I do I'll post about it. Night everyone.

At Least...

EDIT:This was posted while I was very upset with my situation here at home. I was waiting for my grandmother to call me so that I could go and get cigarettes for my younger brother. My home situation is very difficult, and I used to rely on Jake to be my source of strength. But that is not how it works now. I have to be my own source of strength from now on, because I realize that Jake will not always be there, even if he decides to come back to me. I will not be deleting this post because I feel that this is what I was feeling at the time. But I am puting this edit in because I feel that I came off wrong when I posted this. Again, I was very upset. Jake, I know you care. I know that. It just feels like you don't sometimes. But just remember that I know you care. I still love you, and I still want you to come back to me.
Well, its official. Jake doesn't care for me anymore. I sent him an email a few days ago telling him that we should 'break up' break up instead of just be on a break. I was hoping to get some sort of a response, at least an email saying 'OK' or SOMETHING. But I dont think its going to happen. And I dont think he's going to come back either. Its probably a relief to him to be without me looming over his shoulder 24/7. But that doesn't help the fact that I miss him something awful. :( I wish I could have him back, and I hope that there's a chance for me to find someone half as loving as he was.

Sorry. Just needed to vent a bit. I'll post more tomorow.

As you may be able to tell from the picture, I AM NOT HAPPY. Things have been going wrong left and right today and now, I'm pretty much SCREWED for the next WEEK. Why? My tooth fell appart. How? I dont know.

Yesterday was my birthday, and it flipping SUCKED. Nothing went right. I had to go buy cigarettes for my 15 year old brother. Happy 18th birthday.

Then, my mouth has been KILLING me. Like HORRIBLE pain. They took out my wisdom teeth on Wednesday and according to the helpful brocure they had to chop up my gums in order to get at them. Thats what loosesed the cap on my back tooth and thats why i'm now spitting blood every five seconds and the back of my mouth feels like someone went through there with a chain saw. No pain though. Like thats a plus.

And now, its Sunday, and I no longer have a boyfriend. Why? Because he decided he needed a break to 'figure out' if I'm what he wants or not. He's 'not ready for such a committed relationship' and all that bullshit that men sprout when they want to put you on the side. And you know me, I fell for it. So now I'm scowering my room for any reminder of him and stuffing it into a box to stuff in the back of my closet. 'Oh, it wont be forever hun.' Bull shit. He's going to find someone prettier, smarter, funnier, sexier, whatever and decide that i'm just nothing and toss me away. Then when SHE burns HIM he's gonna be all like 'well fuck now what' and come back to me. And I, being the stupid gullable little girl I am, will of course welcome him back with open arms. This is fucking bullshit. I'm NOT in the mood for all this shit. I HATE all this shit and I HATE feeling like this. I just want to blow somehting up right now.

Wisdom Teeth

Well, the next few days are going to be hell. I have my wisdom teeth out in the morning so i'm going to not even be able to crochet for the next few days (cries) but at least I'll be able to get some sleep and relax for awhile. I really need to do that more often. After the 15th, I'll be posting a lot more, because I wont have Jake to talk to anymore. *sigh* Really dont want to think about it now, but meh.

I Love You, My Jake....

Today I had been having a rather crappy day. I could not take a test to make up the day before, I was late to almost every class, you know the usual high school hell. I was in my 7th Hour class at around 2:15 when my pocket vibrated. It was Jake. He said that I should be recieving a package pretty soon. That immediately lifted my spirits. I couldnt wait to get home, to see what I had waiting for me. The FedEx people and the Ups people usually go to the frount door, which we dont use. So when I opened it, there it was. I grabbed it and immediately went inside, using a pen to tear the tape. Jake had ordered CUSTOM MnMs for me! And, It came with this cute little teddy bear! I almost dont want to open any of them, they're so pretty packaged :D Thank you, my love. Thank you for always knowing when to brighten my day.